You Love Me, Don’t You?

With every blow, every punch, and every kick, his face burned itself more into my mind. The way he had mounted her like a savage, completely oblivious to the kaleidoscope of her dreams, her desires. He didn’t know that she always dropped three lumps of sugar into her coffee, or that she grunted like a little pig whenever something ridiculous happened on TV. He had no clue that she wore pink underwear during her period - a secret whimsy she never told anyone but me. Yet there he was, pressing her against the cold, unfeeling wall, invading her flawless body with his filthy cock, again and again, as if he had any right. He didn’t know her, not like I did. And he didn’t really care.

When they finally pulled me off you, you were crumpled on the dark concrete, gasping, trembling, tears streaming down your bloodied, freckled face. I wanted to reach for you, but I froze as you staggered to your feet, fixing me with a look that stopped my heart - a mother’s mix of exasperation and affection, as if her child had done something profoundly stupid yet strangely sweet. You love me, don’t you? you asked that night, curled up beside me in bed, your fingers passing me a joint as I kissed your bruises. What makes you think that? I asked curtly while touching your shoulder. Because you were jealous, you giggled, your lips curling mischievously. Because Cosby fucked me.

By morning, the sound of soft clicks startled me from uneasy sleep. I saw you sitting on the floor, typing away on your laptop. My gaze flicked to the screen. You chatted with Cosby. The anger surged like a flood. I was on my feet before I knew it, snatching the MacBook from your lap. Your startled gasp barely registered as I threw it out the window. It sailed like a frisbee before crashing below. You blinked up at me, the corners of your lips twitching as if you might laugh. Then you kissed my cheek and shuffled to the kitchen to make scrambled eggs and bacon. Buy me a new one, you called over your shoulder casually, as if I’d just misplaced a pencil. I want to watch some YouTube.