Can We Go Home?
Sina was celebrating her 18th birthday at Bar 25. We were dancing tightly to the pounding bass, our bodies swaying in sync. In the restroom, two girls begged me to take their photos. The taller one knelt before me, and as she worked, I stared blankly at the shiny white tiles on the wall. Can we go home?
Sina asked quietly when I returned to her. That night, her tears wouldn’t stop. Why do I even do this shit to myself?
she cried. She hurled a basket of apples at me, shouting hysterically. I love you, you jerk, but you’re a coward, a moocher, a hypocrite. You hate this world but exploit it. You despise those people but fuck them. You loathe these drugs but snort one line after another.
She flung one of our packages against the wall. The little white specks floated to the floor like snow. I sat on the bed, watching her tirade with a detached calmness. This world means nothing to you, I mean nothing to you, love means nothing to you. How can I give myself to someone who doesn’t believe in love? Explain that to me!
I’m not going to answer a trick question,
I said flatly. Sina screamed in frustration, stomped into the kitchen, and returned wielding a large knife. She furiously began stabbing the pillows and slashing the bedding. Feathers erupted into the air, swirling around the room like a storm. Sina looked like a wild, beautiful, naked angel caught in an explosion.
I have to get out of here!
Sina shouted. She put on some clothes, shoved a few belongings into her pink backpack, and stormed out of the apartment. By the time I snapped out of my stupor and ran into the hallway, the door was slamming shut behind her. I raced to the balcony, scanning the dark street below. I spotted her hair bobbing in the distance and yelled after her: Sina, where are you going?
No answer. She disappeared into the next subway station. I stumbled back into the apartment. Sina’s phone lay on the bed. I clutched one of her panties and sank into the shredded pillows, nestling my face against her faint scent. Closing my eyes, I let the night swallow me whole.